Am I In Too Deep?
by ImNoTsOhApPy
Summary: What happens when Lara Jean is ready for her "First time"? What happens as a consequence? IS there a consequence? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

I always find myself constantly doubting myself and whether I make the right decisions or not. I overthink and once I'm supposed to go up and do whatever it was, I've talked myself out of it. For example, one year we took a family vacation to Six Flags in Texas, and I was about to get on a roller coaster, I was in line and everything, but as soon as it was my turn to get on, I chickened out because I had thought about all of the things that could go wrong. So, when it comes to intimacy, I love to read about it and I love to think about being that in love with someone to trust them enough, but I chicken out in the real world. I love Peter, don't get me wrong, but he has so much more experience than I do and I feel like I'm either not going to know what to do or he's going to compare me to Gen and decide that she's better and go and get back with her. I know that Peter loves me, and that he wants me to wait as long as I need to until I'm ready but I want to know what being that intimate with someone feels like, and if I had to choose one person to be that intimate with, it would FOR SURE be Peter. The fact that I'm in college and am still a virgin is shocking for some people, but its normal to me. I usually see Peter every other weekend when he can drive up here since I have no way to drive back home on my own since the freshman aren't allowed to have cars on campus. Peters driving up here tomorrow since neither of us have any classes for the next two days. While Peters here my roommates, Lily, Sasha, and Alex, all go off with their boyfriends or just go party all weekend so that me and Peter can have the room to ourselves.

This coming up Friday is mine and Peters 3-year anniversary, so, as a gift, I got a scrapbook and printed out all sorts of pictures of me and Peter over the 3 years and I put them all in the scrapbook, but I didn't think that was enough, and its not like I'm just giving him my virginity on a silver platter, we'll work our way up to that.

I was having a hard time trying to figure out what to write into the letter, so I thought it would be a good idea to write something like the letter that accidentally got sent to him in our sophomore year of high school, the thing that started it all.

So, in my letter, I wrote "Dear Peter, back in middle school, if someone would have told me that I'd be dating Peter Kavinsky from sophomore year to now, I would have said they were crazy. but now, I'm the crazy one. I know you've been very patient with me with being intimate but I want to tell you right now, I love you and I'm ready. for all of it. I want it. with you. I love you Peter Grant Kavinsky." And I truly do.

I think he'll love it.

The next day after we finish all of our classes, Peter starts his 4 hour drive up here from Virginia. Its hard, him not being here with me in North Carolina all the time, but it just makes us cherish the times we do see each other more. He just texted me about an hour ago and told me that he was leaving his moms house, which meant that I had about 2 ½ hours until he got here. While I was waiting for him to get here. I decided to bake some cookies that would be done by the time he got here.

As soon as I took the cookies off of the pan and put them on a tray, there was a knock at the door. I knew it was Peter so as soon as I opened the door, I jumped into his arms. He stumbled back a little, but he caught me, like always. We just stood there, him holding the back of my thighs to hold me up on his waist, and in that moment, I knew that I was really ready to be with Peter Kavinsky in the most intimate and close way possible. He finally just carries me into my room since its obvious that I'm not getting off of him any time soon.

He takes me into my dorm and lays me down on my bed so that he's on top of me now.

"Well hello, Covey." He says before he kisses me.

"Hey, Kavinsky." I say with a smile.

He starts to kiss me and I wrap my arms around his neck again and deepen the kiss. The kiss starts to get really heated when he pulls away from the kiss and stiffs the air. "Do I smell Lara Jeans famous freshly baked cookies?" he says and then leans down to start his attack on my neck.

"Yep. They just got done, I made them specifically because you were going to be here soon." I say and then bring his mouth back to mine. "Oh…My…God…I have the best girlfriend in the world." He says in between kisses.

Before I know it, his shirt is on the floor and he's working on taking mine off. We've done this before, this time I'm ready to go further, but I have to physically make myself stop this before I end up giving him my virginity before I give him his anniversary present. "Peter." I say barely being able to get a word out due to him kissing and sucking on the sensitive spot right under my ear.

"Hmm?" He hums in response.

"Not now." I tell him talking about sex.

"I know, I just missed you." He says and plants a sweet and short kiss on my lips. He then slides off of me and puts my back against his bare chest because he knows this is my favorite way to lay with him.

"Soon. I promise." I tell him hinting at what I hope will happen later.

"I'm in no rush, Covey, I could wait for you forever, I love you." He says placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I know Peter, I love you too." I say as I turn over and kiss his chest. "So, are we going to eat some cookies or just let them sit there and get all hard?"

"Oh my god, I missed your cookies so much." He says jumping up quickly.

"Even more than my kisses?" I say challenging him in a way.

"Well…." He says debating on what to say.

"Peter!" I say and swat him on his chest.

"I was just kidding, Covey! Of course, I love your kisses way more! In fact, I want one right now." He says and grabs my waist to pull me to him without hurting me. Then he pulled our bodies close so that there was no space left between us. "Then kiss me." I say against his lips. So, he did, he kissed me. The kiss was full of passion and love. I was in the middle of trying to kiss him back with the same passion when he pulled away from the kiss.

"Hey! Why'd you stop kissing me?" I said and pouted.

"For the greater good." He could obviously see that I was still confused and pouting, so he told me, "If I don't stop this now, I won't be able to stop myself from going further."

"Ugh, fine." I say fighting the urge to say that I don't care and to just take me right here, right now.


	2. Chapter 2

About 4 hours have gone by and we have just been watching movies on my laptop. I look at my clock and see that it's 12:19, so I look up at Peter and just start kissing him. Once I pull away he asks me "What was that for?" with a smile on his face.

"We've been together for 3 years today." I say with a smile.

He looks at the clock on my dresser and sees that its past midnight. I quickly hop up to open my closet to get out his presents, and hand them to him. He smiles and starts to tear the paper on the wrapped gift and just sits the bag aside to open it next. When he sees the scrapbook, he flipped through it and then stood up to kiss me. I kiss him but then pull away quickly and tell him, "Open the other present." And he quickly does so. He pulls out a keychain with a picture of us from prom on the end of it. "Open the card!" I tell him not wanting to wait any longer. He does as I say and immediately rips open the letter being careful not to rip the letter itself.

He is looking at the letter with a confused face. "Uh Lara Jean, how am I supposed to read this? Its in Korean." He says since he thinks I must have mixed up the papers or something somehow. So, I just take the letter and start to read it out in English. I read aloud, ""Dear Peter, back in middle school, if someone would have told me that I'd be dating Peter Kavinsky from sophomore year to now, I would have said they were crazy. but now, I'm the crazy one. I know you've been very patient with me with being intimate but I want to tell you right now, I love you and I'm ready. for all of it. I want it. with you. I love you Peter Grant Kavinsky.", and he seems confused probably not knowing that I just told him that I'm ready to have sex with him.

"what-what does that mean, Covey?" he says asking if it means what he thinks it means.

"It means, that I want you, right here, right now." I say as I crawl onto his lap.

"Are you sure, Covey? What if your roommate comes back?" He says wanting to make sure what we're about do is okay with me.

"Just shut up and kiss me Peter. I want this; I want you. Now." I say as I kiss him up his neck until I get to his jaw and then I kiss him on the lips passionately. He doesn't object and just does what I told him to do. Peter is so caring and kept asking me if I'm okay with this before he even got my shirt off. I finally talked to him and told him that this is what I want and he didn't say anything else. What makes him even better, is that he was so gentle and loving. I've never felt anything like this. He went slow even though I could see in his eyes that he wanted to go so much faster, I could see how much he truly loved me and I reciprocated those feelings.

I never thought I could feel this loved. I knew Peter would take care of me and be gentle and kind, but I never thought it would feel this amazing. Stuff like this, is how I know that I truly am in love with Peter Kavinsky. We're just laying there, thinking about the things we just did, and there's a smile plastered on my face. I can't wait until next year when we will both be in Virginia and we can do this more often. My cheeks must be red from thinking about the things we just did and admitting that I can't wait until we can do this more, because I hear him say "Are you thinking of what we just did, Covey?" and when I look up I see that he has a big smile on his face.

When I realize what he just said, I told him "Why imagine it when I can just relive it?" and crawled on top of him to start kissing him.

We "go at it" a few more times that night and then finally fall asleep in each other's arms. When I wake up the next morning, Peter is still asleep and I'm a little sore so I decide to go to the bathroom to take a shower. I didn't notice that Peter was awake and that he came into the bathroom until I felt his strong hands behind me while I was in the shower. I just stood there and leaned into his chest as if standing completely naked in the shower with your boyfriend, who is also completely naked, is normal.

Peter still had a few days until he had to leave to go back to Virginia, and since it was around Christmas, I decided to go back with him to surprise my family, but mainly to go have another interview with the people at the admissions office of UVA about me transferring to UVA next year, best of luck to me. Yay. I say that like im not genuinely happy about transferring, but I am. I can't wait to be in Virginia with everyone, minus Margot since she is still at college in Scotland.


End file.
